Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I Asked for Adorable!!!


Okay, it's not quite that bad. But I definitely look more like a little boy than I feel comfortable with.

I asked for a cut, sorta short but long enough so that I could tuck it behind my ear. I even brought in THREE pictures with me to show her exactly how I wanted it.

And now I am stuck with hair that's too short to be tucked behind my ears and that looks nothing like the pictures but everything like this kid:

Alright. So it's not shaved underneath. But slap me in a number 5 jersey, some b-ball shorts and a pair of high tops and I swear to God you'd have trouble telling us apart.

Also, just FYI, when you google image search the term "little boy mushroom cut" you get a lot of pictures of the atomic bomb. Who knew?? (Except the really nerdy. And they don't count.)

Apparently the new cut has done wonders for my trustworthy-factor because a very interesting incident happened to me in the ladies washroom at Chapter's today. (You can get your mind out of the gutter right now because it did not involve a glory hole, the safety word 'bananas', or panties. Dirty! DIRTY!)

I walked in to survey the damage (butchery? atrocity? hair genocide?) to my lovely locks and as I was taking stock of the situation an adorable little baby came in. She was kinda cute, with these really big blue eyes, so I gave her a little coo and she smiled at me (I liked this baby. She didn't recoil in fear at the sight of my hair). I smiled at the mom and gave her the ole "your kid is cute" grin. She smiled back (I liked this mom. She didn't ask out loud what a little boy like myself was doing in the women's washroom).

And then........ she asked me if I would hold her kid while she used the bathroom.

Uh. What??!

I mean, this is Toronto, and we were in one of the busiest malls in the country. If I had a kid, I would glue her to me so that she didn't get lost, abducted, or into the crack cocaine scene (if you can call it a "scene"... It's probably more like a "behind a dumpster in the alley, quick before the cops come"). I certainly would not let a stranger (with an odd haircut and a wheezy cough no less) watch my kid for me in a public bathroom.

But ask she did. And I couldn't say no.

If you know me, the fact that I was watching a kid in a bathroom for a stranger is pretty unbelievable for 1 major reason: I absolutely hate holding babies.

Sure, I like them from afar. Afar where they can't poo on me or spit up on me or look at me funny. Afar where they can't tug at my hair (if my hair is even long enough to tug. Hmpf), gurgle in my face, or start to cry. Holding babies makes me feel....... awkward. So, I avoid it at all costs - until a stranger. Asks me to hold one. In a public restroom.

Anyway. I got through it. It was an awkward 2 minutes though, let me tell you. Especially when after handing her to me the mom cheerily proclaimed "here's her spit up cloth! She's kinda pukey!"

She didn't puke though. And she didn't cry. And I still have my boy hair cut.

You've won this round, baby. You've won this round.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ok, this line: "She didn't ask out loud what a little boy like myself was doing in the women's washroom" made me die laughing not once, but THREE times. I'm talking that full out, wheezing, crying, doubling over kind of laugh. I read it once, almost died laughing, then reread it to make sure it was indeed as funny as I'd thought upon first glance. It was, so I died laughing again. Just to be completely sure, I read it again, and yup, reduced to wheezing like my grandfather once more. Well done.