Thursday, August 21, 2008

tenacious bee

i met a friend today for lunch and we decided to grab some food and eat it at ryerson in this lovely little green space they have in the middle of campus. it was a good idea in theory. in practice? it turned out to bee (ha! pun!) one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.

things started out great - we picked a lovely bench in the back corner of the field under a leafy, shady, quiet tree and sat down to our chicken, rice, salad, and potatoes (all for under $6!). as we're outside, i'm not surprised when a bee or two frantically buzzes our way to check out our delicious (under $6!) lunch. i mean, it is pretty yummy so i don't blame them for being curious/jealous/hungry and so i let them dance their dizzying bee dance over and around my (under $6!) lunch.

before long, however, 6 or 7 of their bee friends come over and decide to join in on the party. i realize then that the seemingly random flying pattern of the first 2 bees wasn't actually random at all and that i was one of those crazy bee signal things that give the other bees directions to where the food is.

traitors! bastards!

and you know, it might have been fine even with all the extra company if it wasn't for the fact that a particularly courageous bee decided to land on my (under $6!) lunch and start snacking of his own accord. no one, i mean no one, just grabs my (under $6 or otherwise) lunch without asking me! so we decide to get up and move to a new location and give the bees the brush off.

... except that the bees have none of this and they follow us halfway across the field and begin the holding pattern above my rice again. again! and this time it's worse because they've recruited more hungry friends and now i have two particularly courageous bees in my (under $6!) lunch. they've also started to organize themselves so as i'm trying to shoo the bees eating my chicken away, i've now got 3-4 bees in and around my face trying to distract me and/or make me insane.

the worst part? it worked. i pride myself on not being girly-girl around insects of any sort and secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) judge other girls when they scream and run and cry when they see a spider or a wasp or a giant hissing moth that darts at their eyes with its pokey tentacles. but these bees got the best of me... i jumped up, started running frantically in circles trying to lose them, and - oh yes i did - started screaming. loudly.

okay. maybe that wasn't the worst part. the worst part was that after all of that, i still didn't lose the bees and they were still eating my (under $6!) lunch and still flying into my face to taunt me. one even got caught in my hand... twice!

i was so shaken up by the bee in hand thing that we had to get up again and move to a new location. but even though we were walking really, really fast, we still had - and i'm not joking, not even a little bit - 2 or 3 bees still following us the whole way! we finally lost them after we crossed through the underpass into the street, backtracked down an alley, waded through the river to douse our scent, used pine branches to cover our footsteps, and parked our hungry behinds on the rocks by the pigeon pool on the other side of campus.

the rest of our lunch was passed in quiet bee-free bliss.

...until the bees found us again and i tried to drown myself in the dirty pigeon pool.

moral of the story: my sanity is worth more than $6. also: bees are assholes.

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