Saturday, July 26, 2008

you're either fat or you give good head

omg. you HAVE to watch this.

the whole video is a thing of beauty, but the best best best part happens right at the end.

suck it, skinny girls!

(oh, wait. that's right. you can't.)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

the best thing that ever happened to me??!

I'm in my bed right now. Listening to music. Checked all my websites already this morning (nerd alert!!). In fact I've only gotten up to pee so far. So you know, whatever. Just posting this blog from my bed... No biggie.

I don't think I'm being dramatic when I say that the iPod touch has changed my life forever.

Okay. I'm going to go watch superbad now.

(cue the violins.)

(I bet the iPod touch can even do that too!!!!!!!!)

Friday, July 18, 2008

how was YOUR morning??!

Picture it:

Me, standing at the corner of Avenue and Eglinton, waiting for the bus. I pull out and turn on my ipod and notice my headphone cord is all twisted so I begin to unravel it carefully. Not carefully enough, clearly, as my ipod becomes unattached from the headphones, bounces into the street and…



And with a sickening and accusatory plomp my beloved ipod is lost forever, like that dude at the end of Titanic.

Beat that.

Monday, July 14, 2008

yeah, but can you outride the ZOMBIES?!

so i decided my biking goal for the year (yes, year. i like to give myself a very achievable goal. it improves my self-esteem.) is to go fast enough to outride zombies, should the apocalypse happen and i need to get the hell out of dodge. so far, i figure i might be able to go faster than a one-legged zombie or small child zombie. that doesn't sound like much, but when i first started i probably couldn't go faster than ANY zombie so i consider this a great achievement.

so if you can't already tell i had a great ride tonight. i was able to make it up a few big climbs in a high gear and didn't feel like my heart was going to come hurtling out of my mouth and tell me to fuck off. i feel stronger and faster and less of an embarassment to my super-fit, love-to-bike-bike-bike company. one day i may start taking up the ride to work again or even join in on one of the after-work rides. (but i make no promises.)

it's funny - i actually was dreading going out tonight and trying to find excuses not to go. i'm just feeling a little blah today. it's actually a little disconcerting as i've felt so good lately (better than i ever have, actually). and i'm also at the point in my life where i'm ready for the yay!s and awww!s and ooooh!s so today was sorta starting to feel like a step back. (in other words, it was back to the wah-wah!s and boo-hoo!s.)

who knew that a little bike ride and 5 (yes, 5! i know, i'm awesome!) big hills would make me feel better??!

so bring it, one-legged and small child zombies. it's on!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

things you should know about a games night at melissa's

1. she will cook too much pasta

2. she will spill wine or be part of a wine spill at least twice in the evening

3. if there are cupcakes, she will eat them

4. she'll be the one making inappropriate jokes about her cats, but she'll make you think it wasn't her

5. she's a whizz with a wine stain on her pretty new dress and cardi (see #2)

6. she'll leave the dishes until the morning, just because she can!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

sunday morning math

annoying neighbour watching war movies on full blast at 12.30am
my burnt english muffin setting off the fire alarm at 9.30am the next morning
sweet, sweet revenge.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

things in a box?

things in a box is:

A. a song by justin timberlake about stuffing his junk into a christmas present?

B. a fun party game that mixes balderdash with too-much-information-about-the-way-your-coworkers-think?

C. what my apartment is going to look like with 9 people stuffed into it next friday?

D. B & C?

for the record, i'm giving answer A an honourary vote seeing as it's my favourite song. (seriously, how can you not love a song that combines dicks, boxes, creepy facial hair, and justin timberlake??)

Thursday, July 03, 2008

even dogs can be douchebags

so i was minding my business in the park this afternoon after work (ie trying to get a bit of a tan going on my pasty white face) when a dog came up to the tree i was leaning against and started peeing. being the animal-savvy lady i am, i saw him sniffing around before he actually aimed and lifted , so I was able to move out of the way in time.

what really grinds my gears, though, is that pre-pee i asked him politely, "please don't pee on my tree doggie!" and the stupid jerk clearly disregarded my friendly request. the nerve!

PS -- if i wasn't already 100% sure of the dog's douchebag-status, he promptly proved beyond a doubt what an asshole he was: after peeing on my tree he ran over back to his doggie friends and started trying to hump them. they were too quick for him though, so he just ended up humping the air.

like i said? douchebag.