I'm an Ass, Or Why a Christmas Party on a Wednesday is a Baaaad Idea

8: first drink of the night
8.30: it's my jam! britney plays for the first time
9: i find out the waiters' names and try to decide which one i'm going to make out with later
9.30: can no longer use brain for things like counting drinks. only works for putting drink to mouth and swallowing drink, and dancing
10: tell friends to get on the dance floor or they will be layed off
10.30: move on from mixed drinks to shots
11: don't remember
11.30: don't remember
12: don't remember
12.30: remember one of my friends grinding on me??! she will not look me in the eye today...
1: have decided to make out with the waiter with the parted hair, but now i'm thinking he might be gay?
1.30: dancing to britney again, another round of shots
2: i'm in a cab on the way to another bar?
2.30: my friend is pretending she's french and i go along with it. i tell the bartenders that she's from paris and that if they play their cards right that she'll give them a beej in the bathroom later. they seem intrigued
3: got in a fight with a cab driver regarding who should get dropped off first. i lose.
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7.20: oh fuck, i'm going to puke
7.25: am i still drunk?
7.30: please stop spinning, earth!
7.35: i'm going to puke!
7.40: mmmm. bananas make me not want to puke anymore.
8.05: fuck, i should get up for work now
8.10: hmm. i don't feel so good, despite banana
8.15: whyyyyyyyyyyyy god are you makinggg meeee puke in my sinnnnnnnk
8.20: i hate bananas
8.30: the subway is even worse when still drunk and sorta nauseated
9: i can't believe i made it into work on time!
9.30: everyone loves my stories about how i told the waiter he was cute and that he and i should make half waiter/half donkey babies together
10: everyone is so impressed that i'm still at work and yet i puked only 2 hours ago!
10.15: hell yes, work-sponsored mcdonalds is here! i take two hashbrowns and begin to love life again
10.30: oh, no wait. yep, want to die.
[repeat 10.30 until either dead or leave work early to go home and crash on the couch to episode 6 of True Blood.]

IMPORTANT NOTES:

-It was a theme Christmas Party - we had to come as "Winter Festive". I was a donkey, not a Christmas mouse, not a rabbit, and not Eeyore. A generic (albeit adorable) donkey, made famous by the fact that Mary rode me to the inn in Bethlehem where she popped out that kid. It would have made more sense had my Mary and Joseph not gotten the stomach flu and cancelled out on the party at the last minute.
-No waiters were actually made out with during the making of this blog
-I'm not naked in the second to last picture, I'm wearing a strapless dress. Just so you don't actually think I take this cougar thing for really reals serious.
-I'm never drinking again