Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Dude, I'm JUST Like Perez Hilton!

Whoa! EVERYONELOVESMELISSA coming at you live from the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf at the corner of Sunset and Fairfax. AKA Perez Hilton's old "office". I never thought I'd be here, it's kind of blowing my mind.

Let me give you a visual. I'm outside on the patio in the shade sitting beside an adorable guy (probably gay, he's too well dressed to be a straightie) wearing jeans, a tight black shirt, and a cute fedora. He's on a Mac, and I'm jealous. I'm staring out across Sunset Blvd at the Director's Guild of America. If I see Steven Spielberg I'll shit. Seriously. I look slightly to the left across the street and I see the Griddle Cafe, which I recently read about in Kevin Smith's memoir My Boring Ass Life. I ate there the other day and saw the lead singer from Fall Out Boy (he's short and has weird hair) and ate the bigest portion of french toast I have ever seen or put in my mouth in my entire life. I'm going to head back over there after I finish my Pumpkin Iced Latte and this blog.

Down the street a ways is the famed Chateau Marmont. I say it the french way, but if you want to sound very LA you should say "Maaaarmooonte". I haven't seen Lindsay Lohan coming out of it yet, but I hold out hope. I'm thinking of planting a baggie full of white powder by the foot of the mountain to see if I can lure her out...

Past the Marmont is Avalon, Skybar, and a bunch of teensy taco places. And this resto/bar in the theme of the wild west... ??

Basically everything here is over the top. Nothing is quiet, or subtle, or normal for that matter. I think this city's motto is go big or go back to Canada.

I've been to the beach a couple of times (once in San Diego and once to Santa Monica). The beach in LA was.... different. It had all the beauty but about 100 times the strange. There was a dude on a bullhorn screaming about Jesus and how gay marriage was an abomination under God??! I wanted to shove a hot dog in his mouth to shut him up but he had these 2 tough guy thugs protecting him from the wrath of passerby. I was about to risk it but then I remembered that this country doesn't have universal health care (...... yet! GObama!!).

I've decided I'm going to start at the beginning of my trip and fill you in day by day. I've been ridiculously busy and expect to remain so until I leave Saturday afternoon.... So I'll try to post again ASAP but I make no promises....

Just to whet your appetite, though, here's what I have on tap for the rest of the week:

TODAY: a taping of the Bonnie Hunt show this afternoon followed by a show at the Laugh Factory (a 5 minute walk from my cousin's house!) starring Jon Lovitz.

THURSDAY: a taping of the Craig Ferguson show followed by a show at the iOWest (yay!!!).

FRIDAY: a taping of the Jimmy Kimmell show and a trip out to Venice Beach to take pictures of all the shiny muscles

SATURDAY: squeeze in one last breakfast at the Griddle Cafe and celebrity spot before I head back to reality.

Oh? And just in case you think that this is it for trips for me for the rest of the year....... I'm going to Milwaukee, Chicago, and St. Louis in 2 weeks.


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