Black Monday

Dear My Boyfriend Michael Cera,

I think we can both agree that we have had our fair share of ups and downs throughout our time together: the time I asked you that question about music that made you feel awkward, the time we made eye contact while you were in your SUV... so many precious memories, so many emotions. I thought we had seen it all and I was ready to look towards the future with you and plan our awesome life together in our palatial mansion in LA with our twins, Micaela and Melvin, our butler, Lloyd, and our limo driver, Pepe. We were going to listen to all of your indie bands from Montreal and talk about Canadian things like poutine and Nunavut and dance around the house in our socks to emotional songs you wrote with your buddies. I was going to buy you hoodies and you were going to buy me books. It was going to be just like heaven, with you as the really awkward sans facial hair Jesus and me as the chick who bangs the really awkward sans facial hair Jesus.

But then this weekend it all changed....

You let a movie about chihuahuas in Beverly Hills beat you at the box office??! A movie with the tagline "The Chihuahuas Will Rise"??!

Good God, My Boyfriend Michael Cera... I thought I knew you.

Crushed (literally, not in the figurative cougar-y way anymore),
Melissa

PS Is Jonah Hill single? Can you put in a good word?