Saturday, 1.34am: Oh shit. I'm fucking drunk. How did this happen? Where did all those Strawberry Buzz martinis come from and why is there a kid in a backpack giving me high fives right now? I have to be up at 6am tomorrow to make it downtown in time for the box office to open and get the extra tickets I need for my friends to Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. I need to go home. Now.
6.00am: Fuck this. I'm going back to bed before I puke.
6.55am: Okay. Okay. I'm going to get up. I'll try the stupid internet site and phone and hope for the best.
7.10: I GOT FUCKING TICKETS! God, I am amazing. Now, back to bed before I puke.
11.30am: I can't feel my hands and I really need to pee. And why do I keep dreaming about backpacks?
1.00pm: Okay. I slept through the worst of it. Time to get up and get some shit done before my Date with Destiny. And by Destiny I mean Michael Cera.
5.00pm: Tickets? Check. Camera? Check. Friends holding spots in line? Check. Cute dress? Check. Autograph book with photoshopped collage of Michael & I on a series of imaginary dates? Check.
5.30pm: There are a lot of screaming girls here for Michael. I feel two things: 1. I am wayyyyyyy too old to be doing this and 2. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Is that Finch from American Pie????!!
5.35pm: It totally is Finch. FINCH! God, I've had a crush on him for longer than most of these girls have been alive. He was the first boy that made me realize I had a "type" (nerdy, strange, and goofy hair). I also dedicated a blog-before-there-were-such-things-as-blogs entry to him on my old website. This is, like, totally full circle. Totally.
5.45pm: Where the fuck is Michael??!
5.47pm: Jay! Jay Baruchel! He's been in movies! He looks like Elvis! Oh, he's coming over here... Gotta get my camera out and - oh shit, he didn't just turn to me to pose for my camera, did he? Oh god he totally did. I'm a fucking photographer now, bitches!
5.50pm: There he is. Don't scream like a little girl. Don't scream like a little girl. Remain composed and remember that there is no "omgmichaelcera" in dignity, girl. Oh, fuck it. MIIIIIIICHAEL!!!!!!
5.52pm: So many people in the way. And of course he's the only one not to sign autographs so my pictures are all far away and full of heads... Oh, he is absolutely adorable! Look at his curly hair! And his shoes are so white! I just want to ruffle his hair and pop the collar on his cute little navy blue jacket and - no. No. I am a one faded jacket bedazzled with the words "Rock On" on the back away from being a full-fledged cougar. Must stop now.
5.55pm: Okay. Time to head inside and scope out the seats... Oh shit. We're right beside Finch! FINCH! I've got to say something to him, right? I mean, to be this close and not tell him that he is single-handedly responsible for shaping my love of the geek would be wrong, wouldn't it? Okay... Go for it!
Me: Hey.... I'm a big fan!
Finch: Oh, hey. Thanks.
Me: I didn't realize you were in this movie...
Finch: Oh, well I'm not really. My girlfriend is.
Me: (shit. It was the chick with the sultry red dress and big jugs, wasn't it? Of course.) Well... I hope you enjoy your time in Toronto!
5.56pm: Dies.
6.00pm-7.30pm: MOVIE!
7.30pm: Shit, that was good! It was cute and funny and there were some genuinely touching moments. And Michael was hilarious. And Finch had a cameo as JESUS (see: nerdy, strange, and goofy hair)!
7.35pm: Here comes the cast out on the stage... It's question time. I really want to ask something but I'm shitting my pants right now. God, no one has their hands up. WTF? I figured there would be tonnes of questions and... shit. Alright. I'll ask one. Ahem. "Can the cast name one song that they would like to put on a mix CD?" God, I'm awesome. "No, not from the soundtrack. Any song. Let's open this thing up." Ha! Everyone in the theatre is laughing at me! Hear that Michael? That's what our life would be like: sorta awkward and full of laughs.
7.36pm: OMG, my question just made Michael Cera sooo awkward. I mean, I realize it's not hard to do but man, the dude is shy! He looks so cute when he blushes though, maybe I can ask a follow up question re: boxers or briefs and - oh. Wait. I get it. Cougar.
7.37pm: Who are all these hipster bastards and why are they all in one movie??! Most of them named these obscure bands that I've never even heard of. WTF?
7.50pm: I am not stalking Michael Cera. I'm simply outside checking out this pretty grey Escapade because I really like SUVs with tinted windows and - my, that shadow inside is shaped a lot like Michael Cera's face! Wait. It is? Oh. And he's just turned around and looked at me and I was staring into the window like an idiot and/or crazed vagrant cougar? Awesome.
So that was pretty much my night. The excitement of seeing Michael in the flesh totally outweighed my killer hangover and I genuinely liked the movie to boot. It was a little rough around the edges but it was shot beautifully (there were many a panoramic shot of NYC at night and I mean, really? How many teen movies do you know that have sweeping majestic shots of one of the greatest cities in the world? I know of one. It's called Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Have you heard of it?).
My movie highlights:
1. The cameos - Seth Meyers having sex in the back of Nick's Yugo; Andy Samberg as a vagrant (I assumed I looked almost as creepy as him while I was stalking Michael's SUV); Eddie Kaye Thomas (aka Finch) as Jesus; Michael Cera as my boyfriend (ohhhh shit. There I go again!).
2. Kat Dennings - I was not a big fan after The 40 Year Old Virgin so I was pleasantly surprised to find her not only enjoyable but really, really likeable in this movie. She had the right amount of edge, sass, and irony for the part and her chemistry with both Ari Graynor (Caroline) and Michael really brought the characters to life. She also killed as the tough-on-the-outside-but-vulnerable-on-the-inside leading lady.
3. Ari Graynor - Never heard of her before but have added her to my one-to-watch list (past honourees include before-they-were-famous Amy Adams and Rachel McAdams). She sparkled as Norah's high-maintenance friend Caroline and had some of the truly hilarious and memorable (not to mention cringe-inducing) scenes of the movie. Plus she's really freaking bangin' in person.
4. Michael Cera - I can never tell whether some of his one-liners actually scripted or if he's improv-ing them. Some of his lines are just so perfectly quirky/hilarious that I doubt that they would all be in the script like that. Example: "yeah... well. You are... two penises away from a Shania Twain reimagination video!" I mean, who the fuck could write that? It was so random (and thus, hilarious) that I want to believe it had to come out spontaneously during filming. I'd love to see Michael in something serious-but-quirky next - like Juno but with a more meaty role (a male pregnant teenager?). He is one of the lucky few who could bring the right kind of levity to a darker role and I'd love to see him take one some really serious acting. I think he's a far better actor than most people realize or appreciate.
5. The Soundtrack - I expected it to be punk-y and thusly not for me but it was actually smooth and soft and I can't wait until September 23rd for it to come out so I can listen to it non-stop and think about all the things Michael and I will do when we get married and. Fuck. I know, I know. I'll stop.
6. The ending when Nick and Norah finally connect and tune out the distractions of their respective lives and a secret concert by their favourite band in favour of each other. Call me a sentimental bastard, but the last line of the movie gets me everytime:
Norah: Are you upset you're missing it?
Nick: This is it.
Yes. I get it. It's cliched and trite. But by god if it isn't damn true..... It also ranks near the top of Melissa's All Time Favourite Lines from Movies that Make her Heart Sad along with this little gem from The Way We Were (speaking of sentimental...):
Hubbell: Katie, you expect too much from me.
Katie: Oh, but look what I've got.
(Cougar) Swoooooon.
Premiere papparazzi pics to come later!
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