Thursday, June 05, 2008

bus watch: day 2

still alive people! i must be doing something right!

so in my effort to follow my dreams (cue the violins) i've decided i should blog more. i am trepedacious for two (2) reasons:

1. because words on the internet are open to myriad interpretations

and

2. i'm scared of hate mail.

i think i'm okay though, since i am currently the only person reading my blog and i'm pretty sure i won't send myself hate mail (i'm not ruling this option out though... never say never!).

in any case, here i am. and i come bearing a story about taking public transit, which (as anyone in the know can vouch for) is a guaranteed good time.

scene: monday night, 5.35pm, waiting for the bus to take me up the big hill that i live on top of. i've secured a prime position at the edge of the sidewalk, right in front of where the front bus doors should open. i'm guaranteed a seat once the bus arrives, which is good because standing makes me sweat (it's a miracle my pants still fit really).

enter lady clad in long button down jean shirt with a bouncy tigger stiched on the front left hand side, leopard print leggings, and socks with faux crocs. she is also carrying a large package of value toilet paper. (awkward.) ms. thang squeezes herself in between myself and the elderly lady standing to my right. this is a well-known transit faux-pas but i let it slide. (mostly because at this point i'm still assessing her mental health and not getting stabbed on the bus platform is currently #3 on my to-do list.) for those not in the know re: transit etiquette, the #1 rule is "do not attempt to make conversation with your fellow transit riders." i live by this rule, not because i'm anti-social but because people are assholes and i make it a priority not to rile the beast with banal conversation (see also #3 on my to-do list).

so of course ms. thang starts chatting me up:

her: when's this bus going to come? have you been waiting long?

me: no, not really. i bet that there's traffic coming down the hill though and 2 or 3 buses will all show up at the same time. this always happens during rush hour.

(as i say this i assess her sketchy-factor and decide she's okay, just impatient like me... maybe we have more in common than i thought!)

her: well i hope it comes soon. i have foot problems.

(whoa. she has foot problems too? and likes to complain to strangers about them? dang, yo! she's just like me, except she loves value toilet paper and animal print!)

me: well i'm sure you'll get a seat. my feet are hurting too.

(i'll never miss an opportunity to complain about foot pain. never.)

her: i have to get home to do my typing test. i'm taking a course and i need to take a test about my typing.

(okaaay. now she's losing me. the only thing i can think of to to say at this point was that they taught us how to type in the 4th grade and now i'm like the world's fastest typer. but i don't want to show her up so i don't say anything.)

(pause.)

(pause.)

her: i am taking a course. and i need to practise my typing!

me, awkwardly: yeah. the bus will come soon.

(where is the fucking bus????)

her: it's going to take me forever to get home, i live all the way at the end of the loop.

(i have no clue where that is exactly, but i know it's far. and don't i feel like an asshole now for taking the bus up 3 fucking stops. and i don't even have a typing test to do later. i just want to get home fast so i can take off my pants and eat cheese.)

like god was listening to my thoughts about cheese, the bus appears. i would have felt worse about my conversation skills had i not heard my new BFF chatting with someone on the bus about how much she paid for her toilet paper. after i heard that, i was just thankful it wasn't me anymore.

anyways. some future possible story ideas include how i got kicked off my subway train today because it stopped working (TTC: the slowest way... to get to work possible) and that time i yelled at the lady in the fur coat (seriously, who fucking wears a fur coat when riding public transit??).

1 comment:

Werner said...

Hi Melissa,

Guess what? You're NOT the only one reading your blog! Freaky huh.. don't ask me how I got here (I don't know you), I just sort of stumbled upon it. From the looks of your blog you seem really into photography. And you gotta love writing ;)

Ok well it's 3.17 am here so I'll go back to finishing up my last few poems for the day and wish you well.

Should you feel the need to surprise or punish or honour or humiliate or [...anything you can think of for the dots...] me with a reply, just drop me a line by e-mail. I can be spammed on my GMail address which is johnny5wd at gmail.com. Nice meeting you. Have fun!