Monday, June 02, 2008

Things One Finds in the Park

1. ladybugs having sex (yes, that's my own photographic artistry you're witnessing! i'm the richard avedon of ladybug boudoir photography.)

2. dogs playing fetch

3. people chatting

4. random homeless guy scratching his armpits (true story!)

5. old people going at it

i should probably expand on number 5, shouldn't i?

so today i wait for the bus for 10 minutes, take the bus exactly 3 stops (yes, it would have been faster to walk, but i like to get my $2.75 worth!) (okay, not really. i'm just that lazy.) and decide to get off at the park and check it out. this park has been exactly 3 minutes from my house for 3 years and yet i've never ever set foot in it. it always looked nice and i've thought about going in a lot, but it's right across from the burger shack so in the battle of park vs. fresh-never-frozen-tasty burgers it always loses. (um, obviously.)

anyways, so for whatever reason i decide today's the big day (somewhere, a lonely uncooked burger is crying out in shame) and walk in. first thing i see: homeless guy scratching his armpits. i quickly tuck away my ipod because the dude looks a little sketchy and frankly i don't want to be jumped behind the tree and lose all of my carefully cultivated jason mraz collection. the view of the park from the street makes it seem tiny; i discover that, in fact, it is not. beyond the homeless guy i see that the part of the park facing eglinton is actually a sort of plateau and that it rolls down down down to a valley below. a valley filled with dogs! and people! and parking! and a playground! and baseball diamond! in other words: it's fucking huge.

so i pick a good viewing spot atop the hill and settle in to ponder deep thoughts (tonight's dinner: frittata!), contemplate my life thus far (happily burger-filled), and speculate about the breed of dog i'll get when i'm thirty (answer: boston terrier). i'm thoroughly enjoying everything about my little jaunt and take it all in: in front of me two dogs are sniffing each others' butts (is there anything more beautiful?), to the right a lovely little grove of trees are in full bloom, and to the left is an old couple going at it under the cover of a canopy of trees.

wait. what?

i cannot stop staring. this is like full on porno make out. he's rubbing her butt and her hands are in his hair and there are tongues flying around at ungodly angles. i watch for a minute expecting it to end any second (don't you have teenagers to feed? an aging golden retriever to walk?) but it just. keeps. GOING!

oh, wait. finally. they've stopped. they are chatting with someone and there's the aging golden retriever. so they were here walking the dog after all!

oh. no. wait. that was not their dog! and now they are groping each other again. this is just like tv, except older!

all in all i watched them for about 10 minutes. 10 minutes of full-on, clothes-on foreplay. they got interrupted again and decided to take things home, i guess.

seriously, though? it. was. inspirational. (unless, of course, this was their 2nd -- 3rd? 4th? -- marriage and they are still in the honeymoon phase... old people can have honeymoon phases, right?) i mean, if 65 year olds are still that much in love after all those years together that they have to absolutely have a hardcore makeout sesh in the park in front of god, the homeless guy, and all those dogs then what the fuck is my problem? (yes, if you're wondering, it all does come back to down to me.)

note to melissa: must get eglinton park make out partner STAT. preferably someone adorable, hilarious, and smarter than me. (i know, i know... aim high, right?)

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