I Saw This With My Own Eyes

A woman.

A woman walking down the street.

A woman walking down the street without shoes on.

A woman (who was not homeless) walking down the street without shoes on.

A woman (who was not homeless) walking down the street without shoes on. On Yonge Street!

A woman (who was not homeless) walking down the street without shoes on. On Yonge Street! In the pouring rain!

... I mean, seriously. Would you walk down the street, any street, in Toronto without shoes on??! Factor in that she was on one of the busiest and dirtiest streets in Toronto and that it had been raining (thus creating one giant, moist petri dish of bacteria, with a few cigarette butts and dead cockroaches thrown in for good measure).

Seriously. Factor that in.

Then think about it long and hard it for a minute.

And now answer me this:

How many different kinds of Hepetitis do you think she got from that walk?

My guess? Zero. Zero because if she is that stupid and yet still alive, she clearly has some sort of Jesus-approved luck/magic on her side and she, no matter how many dirty streets she walks barefooted down, will never ever be able to catch any sort of infectious disease.

And somewhere in Malibu, Pamela Anderson cries a single lonely tear.

(OMG. Did I just make a Pamela Anderson-Hepetitis joke? Am I an awful person??!)

(Wait.)

(Don't answer that.)